


starstruck.

by notzomi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Lots of Cuddling, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, it's not thaT angsty tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 00:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16651006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notzomi/pseuds/notzomi
Summary: Jaemin can't join his friends' summer trip and Jeno thinks it's his fault.





	starstruck.

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello,  
> I'm back~ It took me quite a while to write this but I'm happy with the result.  
> Nomin is one of my favorite nct ships, alsO I'm a big sucker for highschool aus.  
> I hope the characters aren't too ooc lol.  
> Have fun reading it ^_^

D - 22  
“Let’s check if we have everything!”  
Renjun suggested to his friends while he picked up his Mumin-backpack from the floor. Renjun’s group of friends consisted of Chenle, Jisung, Donghyuck, Mark and Jeno. They were in the living room at Mark’s house, surrounded by backpacks and luggage. The sun was peeking through the curtains, dipping the room in a warm, orange tone and making the dust particles dance in the light. It was the ideal weather for the trip they had planned the previous weeks. They had rented a small wooden house next to a lake, to spend some days of their summer holidays before they had to go back to school in three weeks. For most of them it will be their last year at school, so they wanted to enjoy their last summer together, creating memories.

“Alright. Let’s begin with you then, Renjun. Did you take care of the band aids and stuff?” Mark took over the coordinating role while he tried to remember everyone’s tasks.

“That was my task”, Chenle scoffed and pulled some band aids out of his bag to demonstrate it. Donghyuck laughed loudly while Mark crossed his arms with red ears.

“I had to bring snacks with me,” Renjun informed Mark. He squeezed the backpack in his lap which made the crinkling sound a bag of chips would make.  
Mark nodded. You could see how he still tried to figure out who had which kind of content in their bags hidden. “And who was taking care of the drinks?”

“Me.” It was the first time Jeno said something today expect a greeting when he had entered Mark’s house. “I have five liters of water and three liters of coke. I already put it in the car.”

“It will be enough for the ride. When we arrive there, two of us will go grocery shopping, like we planned,” Renjun added. “I think, Jisung and… Mark have suggested themselves to go?” Two nodding heads confirmed his statement.

“Talking of Jisung: Did you bring games with you?” Donghyuck asked.

“I have cards and Uno and-,” Jisung started to enumerate but Donghyuck interrupted him.

“Hold on. I thought we decided to take video games with us. That’s why it was your task because you’re the guy with the Wii and Playstation!”

“Oh,” Jisung simply said and looked at the older ones with big eyes. “I thought-“

“No, it’s okay, Jisung,” Mark comforted the youngest one and patted his back. “We can play cards, it’s as much fun.”

“I doubt that,” Donghyuck muttered under his breath. With the same hand Mark had comforted Jisung, he slapped Donghyuck’s arm for his comment. 

“I have my laptop with me, you can play games on it,” Jeno informed Donghyuck which made latter’s face light up. “You’re the only intellectual here, Jeno.”  
Jisung just shrugged with his shoulders, unbothered by Donghyuck’s comment.

“Anyways, I think that’s it.” Mark stood up, clapping awkwardly with his hands only once. “We can drive then.”

 

With their stuff in their hands the boys didn’t make it far. In fact, they got stopped right in front of Mark’s house.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Renjun asked the two figures standing in front of the group, packed with luggage. 

“We’re coming with you,” Yukhei said with his loud voice, opening his arms in an overly dramatic way. Kun, who was standing next to him, could only sigh.  
The rest of the boys stared at Yukhei with confusion on their faces.

“Uhm, I’m quite sure nobody had invited you to this trip,” Chenle carefully stated, making Yukhei gasp offended.

“Excuse me? I thought we were friends. Aren’t you accepting me into your group again, like you did last year in that one school project where you called yourself ‘dreamies’?”

“Stop being petty,” Donghyuck butted in. “And Kun-hyung? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here because I can’t leave you alone. You will probably set the whole house on fire or get into an accident while driving, especially when Yukhei comes with you. Or both. Also, I’m pretty sure you will eat junk food only and that’s not good for your health. Also, Yukhei asked me to drive him here since he still hasn’t his driving license,” Kun explained calmly while offering a small, gentle smile.

“He has a point”, Chenle admitted, the others nodded in agreement, even Yukhei. “So, we take Kun with us and leave Yukhei here.”

A big chorus of agreement could be heard and they hurried to get into the car while Yukhei stood there dumbfounded. “Come on, man,” he complained loudly and threw his arms into the air.

Kun sighed softly before he took Yukhei on his arm and also dragged him into the car. Nobody said anything against it.

 

\--

 

There were driving for an hour now, landscapes came and passed their windows while they were singing loudly along to songs of Red Velvet. Jeno was sitting in the very back, on his one side was a window, on the other Renjun. Donghyuck completed their row. The seats in front of them were taken by Mark, Jisung and Chenle, Yukhei had taken the passenger seat and Kun sat behind the steering wheel. Donghyuck kept teasing Mark who sat in front of him. He played with his hair, poked with his finger his sides. Mark’s giggles could be heard in between their singing voices.

After “Happiness” ended, Yukhei took the small pause and broke the short silence. “Where’s Jaemin? Why isn’t he here?”

Even though “Red Flavor” started to blast out of the speakers, it still felt like the silence from seconds ago was in the air, heavy, uncomfortable.  
Jeno fixated his eyes on the window. He knew that the others were looking at him or trying not to do so. 

“He can’t come,” Mark simply answered but everyone in the car knew that the actual answer was “He isn’t allowed to come”.  
Jaemin could come, he’d love to come with them on the trip but he isn’t allowed to. Mostly because of Jeno. It was Jeno’s fault. Because of their friendship; a friendship that could be more than that but wasn’t. 

Their friendship actually started years ago. They were six years old and thanks to a daisy their friendship was able to bloom.  
Jeno had been sitting on a bench on a playground, tears had been streaming down his face. He had had no clue what to do with his knee that had been apparently bleeding. His tears were meeting with the blood on his knee because he was looking down, clutching his hands.  
He had only looked up when a daisy crossed his sight. There was a boy standing in front of him, in his hand a daisy and on his face a wide smile.  
Jeno immediately stopped crying.  
The boy had introduced himself as Na Jaemin and they had been sitting there together, waiting for Jeno’s mother to return. 

Later on Jeno had found out that Jaemin was living in the same street as him. They started to see each other often; Jaemin had become a familiar face Jeno would recognize in a crown.

Jeno still remembered the first time he had slept over at Jaemin’s house. He had carefully thought about very move he made and every word he said. Jaemin’s house had been nice, warm and welcoming. Jeno had liked it. He hadn’t wanted it to be the last time he would sleep there. Jaemin had laughed at him later that night for his odd and stiff behavior. The heat that had rushed into his cheeks, Jeno still remembered it. He remembered the stick-ons in the shape of stars that were covering the royal blue walls in Jaemin’s room and would glow in the dark, remembered the soft fabric of the blanket Jaemin’s mom had given him. 

One night they hadn’t to look at the stick-ons on Jaemin’s wall. Instead real stars had been hanging above them in the night sky. They had climbed out of the window in Jaemin’s room, up to the roof. Jeno had thought he’d die any second, the ground had seemed more far away than it had actually been. It had been freezing cold in their pajamas. They had been sitting close to each other while looking up to the sky. The sky had been crystal clear, you could almost make out every single star. While Jaemin had been spending the majority of time they had been sitting on the roof, with admiring the starry night, Jeno had noticed the little moles on Jaemin’s arms and the glisten in Jaemin’s eyes.  
It was like if Jaemin was wearing stars on his skin and in his eyes.  
At the age of 14, on a cold night in March, Jeno had found his best friend more beautiful than the sight above their heads. 

While Jeno had spent his time with slowly realizing and accepting the feelings he was developing for Jaemin, everything had gone downhill when Jaemin’s mother died the following year. Jaemin’s father started to drink and Jaemin and Jeno started to see each other less and less in their free time. Jeno had thought that it was because of the death of Jaemin’s mom, that Jaemin had needed time for himself, but after half a year had passed, Jeno had grown suspicious.  
In the library, between history books and novels for teenagers, Jaemin had confessed to Jeno that his father didn’t want them to hang out together anymore. “He says…” Jaemin had hesitated, had taken one of Jeno’s hands in his own as a movement of comfort. His hands were cold and sweaty, not as warm and tender as usually. “He says that you’re a bad influence for me.”

“Bad influence?” Jeno had been utterly shocked. “How am I-“ And then Jeno had followed Jaemin’s eyes with his own, looked at their intertwined fingers, “oh” and understood.

Even though they didn’t saw each other as often as the past years, they still had been able to meet in secret. They had been careful, oh, so careful, even more when they met at Jaemin’s house.  
But one day, some days after Jaemin had turned 16, they forgot to be careful. They hadn’t cared because their heartbeat had been too loud, too empowering, and Jaemin’s lips had looked even softer than usual and Jeno really wanted to taste the cherry chapstick Jaemin loved so much. And their faces had been so close, Jeno had been able to feel Jaemin’s breath softly brushing his cheek.  
But then the door had been opened so suddenly, Jeno still remembered how his heart had almost jumped out of his throat when he had seen that it was Jaemin’s father who stood in the doorframe. Seconds later Jeno had been thrown out of Jaemin’s house, the place that once showered him with warmth and happiness, with the picture of Jaemin with glassy eyes and a terrified expression on his face haunting Jeno since then.

They haven’t met each other privately since then except in school in lunch breaks and math classes and Jeno missed Jaemin nevertheless, so much, it hurt.

 

\--

 

The sun was still up when they arrived at the house. Jeno had still crumbles of chips and cookies on his shirt when he was resting on the bed in the room he and Renjun were going to share. Mark and Jisung were already on their way to the grocery store that was a ten-minutes-walk away. The others who stayed at the house were waiting for them to return so Kun could cook for them. Jeno was alone in the room. Renjun was in Yukhei’s and Kun’s room, doing god-knows-what. Maybe Chenle had joined them. Jeno should join them to prevent his thoughts from wandering to his best friend. With the same intention he had agreed to this trip: to stop himself from missing Jaemin. But being on this trip with all of his friends except Jaemin just made the gap the latter leaves even more visible.  
Jaemin would have liked it here. The house was cozy, warm, welcoming. It seemed visually stuck in the 90s, the wooden floor looked like it had seen many years and people and stories. The rooms had more than enough space, the beds made tiny noises when you sat down on them but it was bearable. The backyard was wide and the lake was even bigger with clear water in it. Jaemin liked, no, loved to swim. He-

Jeno abruptly sat up on his bed. This had to stop. He didn’t come here to think about Jaemin. To distract himself, he left his room and went to search for the others, leaving the thoughts about Jaemin stuck in his room.

 

Later that evening they were in the kitchen, sitting around a wooden table and enjoying the food Kun made. The eldest of them had made “eggs in hell” and they tasted heavenly, the irony. Yukhei and Mark had joked around a little bit which led to sprinkles of tomato sauce being literally everywhere - the table, the yellow curtains of the window behind them, the white shirt Chenle was wearing, latter exclaimed: “I planned to wear this the next days, fuckers.”

“Stop complaining,” Yukhei gave back while continuing to eat. 

“What do we want to do we want to do after dinner? Play a game?” Kun tried to distract from the tension that started to build even more up while he collected the empty plates to pile them up. 

“We can play ‘truth or dare’,” Mark suggested but before anyone could even react, Donghyuck made it clear how much he was against this suggestion. 

“What? No! Are we 14 or what?”

“Jisung is actually 14…” Jeno commented subtly while scraping last bits of the meal of the plate, so Kun could take it as well.

“I’m almost 15,” Jisung himself corrected the older one.

“See! Jisung is almost 15, so we’re not playing ‘truth or dare’!”

Later on they decided to play cards which escalated more than anyone would have expected. They became louder and louder until they were almost screaming, Jeno could still hear Chenle’s highpitched screams (or has he been laughing?) when he laid on his bed that night. They often jumped out of their chairs out of rage and Jeno hurt his chest against the table while standing up so abruptly. He already could feel the bruise starting to bloom on the skin which was stretched above his ribcage. 

Completely drained Jeno went to sleep that night. Renjun was sleeping soundly next to him in his own bed. Jeno dreamed of daisies and stick-ons in the shape of stars.

 

\--

 

D - 21  
The next day they decided to go on a small shopping trip at a mall nearby. After browsing through shops that were too expensive for their budget, they decided to visit a thrift shop. Jeno found himself between green glitter pants and fur hats. In another corner of the shop Kun tried silly sunglasses on, somewhere else was Renjun who tried caps on, Donghyuck looked for earrings and Chenle browsed through the jacket section.  
When Jeno unlocked his phone to take a selfie of himself with said fur hat on, Jaemin on his lockscreen smiled at him. Jeno had taken the photo of his best friend without telling him. It was during lunch break, he had just called him, “Nana, look here” and had taken the snapshot when the other had turned around.  
For a moment he thought about sending one of the selfies he had taken to Jaemin but he let it be.

“Oh my god, this is the best shirt I’ve ever seen!” Yukhei screamed through the whole store while waving with a yellow shirt in his hand. It said “my friend is gay” with an arrow pointing to the right. Giggling like an idiot, Yukhei put the shirt on top of his own and moved to Mark to stand on his left side. 

Renjun hid his face in his hands out of annoyance while Chenle hissed: “Can you stop being such an embarrassment?”

Donghyuck sighed dramatically: “Okay, I take back what I said yesterday. Some of us are actually 14 years olds.”

 

After Jisung had paid for the shirt he wanted, they bought milkshakes. They were slowly walking back to the car when Renjun pulled Jeno a bit away from their group, so they were a bit behind their friends. 

“So…” Renjun started to talk and Jeno already knew in which way this conversation was heading. To prepare himself Jeno took a big sip of his cookie-crumble-shake.  
“I have the feeling that you give yourself the fault for… you know…” Renjun carefully stated. Jeno hated how right Renjun was. The plastic cup in his hand was cold, Jeno’s fingertips grew numb. 

“And?” Jeno quietly gave back. It felt like as if Renjun held his heart in one of his hands, squeezing it. He had the control over the tight, uncomfortable feeling inside his chest Jeno was feeling right now. If Renjun would dig deeper, the grip around Jeno’ heart would tighten.

“It’s not your fault,” Renjun simply said and out of nowhere a lump appeared in Jeno’s throat.

“It is my fault,” Jeno gave back, his voice was even quieter than before. Saying it out loud for the first time woke a weird feeling inside Jeno. It wasn’t the weird feeling when he was around Jaemin, a soft flutter inside his stomach that others called “butterflies”. It was weird in a bad, anxious, uneasy way.

Renjun stopped walking, stopped Jeno from walking with playing his hands on Jeno’s shoulders. “Jeno. It is not your fault. It’s not your fault that Jaemin can’t be here. He’s not here because of your feelings or that one kiss you almost shared. It’s not your fault that Jaemin’s father is such a dick and doesn’t allow his son to be himself and fully enjoy his life. Please stop giving yourself the fault. Even though it might sound harsh, with giving yourself the fault, Jaemin’s father won’t change his opinion and suddenly allow Jaemin to go on this trip.”

Jeno couldn’t look into Renjun’s eyes; instead he stared at his shoes, the white sneakers with a sprinkle of blue wall paint on the tip of his right show. Like Renjun had said, his last words sounded harsh but his friend was right. The grip around his heart got loosened but the weird feeling was still there. 

“Why do always have to be right?” Jeno chuckled. “Thank you, Injun.”

Renjun patted Jeno’s back, smiling. “Only one more year, then is Jaemin hopefully free,” Renjun tried to cheer Jeno up. It worked just a little bit.

 

\--

 

Their cups were empty for a long time when they arrived with their car at their little house. Kun tried to unlock the door when suddenly a soft voice behind them made Kun stop. “Hello, guys.”

The eight boys immediately turned around to the owner of the voice. It was Jungwoo standing in front of them, smiling goofily at them. Jeno’s heart dropped but not because of the latter.  
Next to the tall boy was Jaemin with his typical wide, beaming smile on his lips. Jeno couldn’t believe his eyes. Jaemin wasn’t even looking at Jeno but latter already felt like bursting.

Jaemin, he was here, happy and healthy.

“Jungwoo, what the hell are you doing here? Why do people keep joining our trip without being invited?” Renjun asked confused.

“Oh, Xuxi wrote me that he missed me,” Jungwoo replied with a fond smile on his face.

Everyone turned to Yukhei. “Oh, come on, Yukhei, seriously?” 

“Hey, you wanna tell me that you didn’t miss Jungwoo?” Yukhei tried to explain himself.

“Apparently, yes,” Donghyuck dryly answered, still sending an apologetic smile to Jungwoo after saying it.

“Anyways, I’ll stay,” Jungwoo decided. “And as you can see, I made a stop at Jaemin’s house.”

Through the whole conversation Jeno couldn’t tear his eyes off Jaemin who still wasn’t looking at him. Was he avoiding Jeno’s eyes? Jaemin looked nervous despite his smile. He wouldn’t stop playing with the hem of his red shirt.  
Look at me, please. Jeno felt like burning slowly on the inside. The only thing he wanted right now was to look into Jaemin’s beautiful eyes, after hours and days and weeks. Because of his own nervousness, Jeno couldn’t stand still. Oh, having Jaemin’s attention wasn’t the only thing he wanted. Jaemin’s warmth, his arms around Jeno’s upper body was as important. Jeno didn’t even dare to dream about it the past days but now Jeno felt like he’d die if he doesn’t hug Jaemin in the next seconds. 

After Jungwoo had mentioned Jaemin’s name, the boy’s lashes fluttered softly and then, finally, finally, he looked up, right into Jeno’s eyes. Jeno’s breath was completely taken away. The expression in Jaemin’s eyes was raw, honest, overwhelming.

“But how-,” Mark started confused but Kun softly made him stop with touching his arm and pointed with his eyes towards Jeno. 

Jeno couldn’t bear it anymore. “Nana.”

Hearing his nickname out of his best friend’s mouth broke some wall inside Jaemin. His eyes filled with tears, became glassy.

“Jeno,” the boy cried out and the next thing Jeno knew was that he was in Jaemin’s arms. Suddenly he was able to breathe again. He held the other one tightly in his arms, afraid of losing him again. The fabric of his shirt on Jeno’s shoulder, right there where Jaemin pressed his face against, became damp.

“Stop crying,” Jeno mumbled into Jaemin’s neck, clutching with his fists the fabric of Jaemin’s shirt. It was the first time he saw his best friend crying. It made his heart heavy like a stone. Jeno could feel how Jaemin chuckled against his collarbone.

“I’ll try,” the boy sobbed softly. He pressed his nose in the hole that Jeno’s collarbone created. Jaemin’s warm breath and soft hair tickled Jeno, he had goose bumps creeping up all over his arms and neck. 

God knew how long they stood there. Jeno hoped that they could last like this forever. Jaemin loosened his grip a little bit after a while and cupped Jeno’s face instead. His big eyes were a bit red and puffy but Jeno melted anyways with Jaemin’s hand caressing his cheeks and the stars captured in his eyes.

“Jeno is this really happening?”

Jeno’s smile grew even wider if possible. “I don’t know but I hope so.”

“It is really happening.” Donghyuck’s voice made their small, pink bubble burst. “I know, you haven’t seen each other in a long time and you’re very cute and that shit but we’re still here and would like to go inside, thank you very much.”

 

\--

 

They decided to make a movie night which is why all their blankets and pillows were downstairs in the living room. They had taken two mattresses and placed them in front of the couch, so everyone had the chance to sit comfortably.

“Oof, Jisung. What are you so cute for?” Jaemin cooed when he saw the youngest coming last into the living room in his baby blue pajama. Smiling widely Jaemin pinched Jisung’s cheeks which made the ears of latter turn red. 

“It’s only been an hour and you’re already attacking innocent people. I can’t believe you, Na Jaemin.” Renjun tsked with his arms crossed.

Jaemin stared at him offended. “I’m allowed to shower my son with love, you can’t forbid that!”

Jisung opened his mouth to say something but Jaemin’s glare made him shut his lips again.

“Anyways,” Mark interrupted the scene and sat down next to Donghyuck on the couch. “Can Jungwoo please tell us now how he was able to kidnap Jaemin?”

“I didn’t kidnap him. He got in my car without me forcing him to. Do I look like someone who would kidnap boys?” Jungwoo asked worried which Yukhei immediately denied with shaking his head.

“So, gather around me my children.” Jungwoo cleared his throat and waited for everyone to follow his invitation. He looked at his audience that was spread all over the couch and mattresses while he was sitting in the middle of them. “As I told you before, Yukhei had texted me that he was missing me. He also wrote me that you all missed Jaemin.” Jaemin who was sitting between Jeno and Jisung, smiled shyly while looking at his hands on his lap. “So I called my boss and said that I take a break until the next Monday. Then I put on a white dress shirt and black dress shirt, packed my things and drove like that to Jaemin. I ringed at the door and greeted Jaemin’s father with ‘May God bless you. I’m here in the name of our Lord and Savior.’ I told him that I would take Jaemin to a Christian camp for five days. His father immediately agreed, he didn’t even ask any questions and gave Jaemin to me.”

They stared at Jungwoo with disbelief in their eyes, some had dropped their jaws, some were laughing, snorting. 

“Jungwoo, you’re a genius,” Chenle laughed, rolling on one of the mattresses on the floor.

“You have to imagine,” Jaemin began, chuckled. “I came downstairs, expecting some old man from the church and then there’s Jungwoo standing there as if he was sent from heaven.” He made a small pause. “But thank you, Jungwoo. Thank you for bringing me here. And also thanks to Yukhei for being a needy bitch.”

“No problem,” Jungwoo smiled and stretched his arm over Jisung to stroke Jaemin’s head a bit, ignoring Yukhei’s offended gasp. 

 

They discussed for 20 minutes what movie to watch. Horror movies already got forbidden after ten seconds, much to Renjun’s disliking. Jisung and Yukhei were against love movies and Jungwoo was against action movies. In the end they agreed on a Disney movie. 

Jaemin who had been excited at the beginning started to yawn after 15 minutes. With every minute that passed he had snuggled closer to Jeno and was now again in Jeno’s arms, resting his cheek against Jeno’s chest. God, how Jeno had missed this. Holding Jaemin in his arms, feeling his warmth and heartbeat, the rising and falling of his chest without fearing that someone might walk in. It felt like a dream, the dream he had last night but much better, much realer, much warmer. Jeno gently caressed Jaemin’s neck with his one hand. While doing so he felt his eyelids getting heavy. The movie wasn’t important anymore, no, it has never mattered to Jeno since Jaemin has arrived. Last night he had dreamt of holding Jaemin again, this night he really was holding Jaemin in his arms when he drifted to sleep.

 

\--

 

D – 20  
Jeno woke up with his right arm feeling completely numb and his position being switched with the one of Jaemin whose body was now squished between the armrest of the couch and Jeno’s body. Groaning quietly Jeno massaged his numb arm with his other one until it felt like ants were dancing underneath his skin. In addition to that his neck hurt but Jeno couldn’t care less since Jaemin was sleeping soundly next to him. Jeno couldn’t stop looking at Jaemin’s face. He remembered every little detail and yet, it still was as mesmerizing as the first time he looked more precisely at Jaemin’s face that night on the roof. His eyes rested a tad too long on Jaemin’s pretty lips. And there it was, the fine line he couldn’t overstep, right in front of him. 

Jeno rolled on his back and looked at the ceiling with Jaemin still clinging to his shirt. There was a dull, numb feeling inside his chest, the same feeling he had in in his arm earlier. It wasn’t even a feeling, it was just nothing. 

“Jeno,” Jaemin whined and scooted closer to Jaemin. The other boy was looking straight into his eyes. The emptiness inside his chest went away with a pang and got replaced with a burning desire to take Jaemin’s face in his hands, to kiss his lips, his forehead, cheeks, tip of his nose and just-

“Okay, wake up sleepy heads!” Chenle screamed through the whole living room and got groans in response. Jeno jumped back. Thankfully his thoughts got destroyed just like his eardrums. 

“I never thought that I would say this but Chenle’s voice is so annoying right now,” Jisung grumbled into his pillow.

Renjun sat up. “Now you know how his voice sounds like to me the whole goddamn time.”

 

\--

 

“We’ll bake cookies, Jungwoo said. It will be fun, he said,” Chenle said, looking at the mess in front of him, consisting of the so-said cookies. 

“I didn’t say that it will be fun. Hell, it wasn’t even my idea!” Jungwoo complained while staring at the burnt dough that wouldn’t come off the baking tray. 

Kun, who had entered this scene just seconds ago, had a blank expression on his face. “Who forgot to put baking paper on the tray?”

“Oh no,” Yukhei mouthed, panic in his eyes. He looked like as if his life was flashing past his eyes.

“Run, Yukhei!” Mark screamed and tried to block the way for Kun, so Yukhei could run which he did after blinking with his eyes one, two times like a deer caught in headlights. Kun groaned and slipped underneath Mark’s arm to follow Yukhei with a rather calm and normal walking tempo.

“May his soul rest in peace,” Donghyuck said while holding a cookie in his hand, taking in a bit of its smell which made his nose crinkle shortly after.

Jeno looked at the door which Mark has escaped through. “Do you really think Kun kills Yukhei, I mean-“

Yukhei’s shriek cut Jeno off.  
“Okay, I said nothing.”

“But whose idea was it really to bake cookies despite the fact we know that we can’t bake for shit, except maybe Kun and Jaemin. But one of them hadn’t been here and we all know that the other one is mentally somewhere on cloud seven,” Chenle asked the other boys.

“Maybe…,” Jisung began, quietly. “…it was me?”

Donghyuck looked at the youngest with betrayal in his eyes. “You could’ve told that earlier, maybe then Mark wouldn’t had to risk his life since you’re still a baby and Kun doesn’t kill babies or at least I hope he doesn’t…”

“Actually, I didn’t risk my-“Mark started with a mixture of amusement and confusion in his voice, but nobody was paying him attention.

“Uhm, the last time you said I was ‘almost 15’ as a reason to not play ‘truth or dare’ and now I’m a baby so your Markie-boo doesn’t have to ‘risk his life’!”

“MY Markie-boo? What are you even talking about?” Donghyuck gave back with red ears.

“Hey,” Jungwoo’s quiet voice cut in. “Stop that and let’s clean up.”

“Finally is someone saying smart things”, Renjun sighed happily and grabbed an apron. 

Jaemin turned around to Renjun, fake gasping. “Did you just insult Kun?”

Renjun immediately froze on his spot. “No… I didn’t!”

Snorting, Jaemin went to the sink to wash the dishes. Jeno followed him.  
He wanted to slide his arms around Jaemin’s waist but he quickly pushed the thought away. Instead he took a towel and started to dry the plates, mugs and cutlery Jaemin had just washed. 

“Remember that one time in gastronomy class when we also baked cookies and they actually tasted good?” 

Jaemin smiled while washing off the foam of the plate he was holding. “That time we argued about who had to do the dishes.”

“And look at us now,” Jeno grinned and placed a now clean mug with tiny dogs on it, on the counter in front of him.

“I know, right? 13-years-old-us would be so disappointed in us. But doing the dished is the best in this situation. I don’t want to scratch this burnt something off the trail.”

“Same,” Jeno hummed quietly and their conversation died until it hit him. The day Jaemin has talked about had been in the time when everything had been fine. On that same day Jeno had gone to Jaemin’s house after school, it had been a Friday and almost every Friday they had had sleepovers. Jeno didn’t remember what they ate that day but it had surely tasted good since it had been Jaemin’s mother who had cooked it. But what Jeno remembered for sure was the carefree feeling he had had when he had been at Jaemin’s house because everything had been completely fine. Unlike now.

Now he had to be so utterly careful when he was around Jaemin, it was so tiring. But for Jaemin he endured it. He looked at Jaemin, looked at Jaemin’s small smile.

Here he doesn’t have to care, here they can be the Jaemin and Jeno from years ago. So he stepped behind Jaemin and slung his arms around Jaemin’s waist like he had wanted to do earlier. Jaemin didn’t say anything, he just touched Jeno’s hand on his stomach with his own, as if he understood what Jeno was thinking.

 

\--

 

That night Jeno and Jaemin didn’t lie in each other’s arms even though they were in the same room. Renjun has given Jaemin his bed and moved instead in Chenle’s and Jisung’s room. Jungwoo has found a place in Yukhei’s and Kun’s room and basically abandoned Yukhei out of his own bed so the Chinese man had to sleep on the floor now.  
‘The beds were too small for two people’ was the official reason but the actual one was the still existing fine line between their actions. Jeno had brushed said line with his back hug today. He felt guilty for it. He should stop getting his hopes so high, they had only these following days together and then they would barely see each other again, only in math classes and lunch breaks and maybe between history books and novels for teenagers.  
If they’d overstep the line, their forced distance would feel even worse. Knowing that you could taste Jaemin’s lips over and over again but you aren’t allowed to, because you were in public, would probably be not as bearable as their current situation. 

Jeno was lying with his back to Jaemin, he didn’t know if the other was looking at his back or at the wall on the other side of the room. God, he wanted to turn around to Jaemin so badly but he didn’t know if he would be then able to stay in his bed or climb on Jaemin’s bed, under is blanket. Jeno squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to calm his quickened breath.

Tomorrow you can hug him, Jeno, he told himself. Tomorrow.

 

\--

 

D – 19  
On that day, the so-called “tomorrow” they couldn’t decide what to do, so they didn’t plan any activity that involved the whole group. 

Jeno went after breakfast straight to his bed to just lie down and play some games on his phone. But to his surprise was Jaemin already lying on his bed, striking a pose. “Oh, you’re here, Lee Jeno? What a coincidence.”

Jeno looked at the other boy, his arms were crossed, and tried to hold back his laughter. “Jaemin, you know that-“

“Actually, I’m from the cuddle-police and I demand you to come here and cuddle with me,” Jaemin interrupted him with a dead serious expression on his face. 

‘Tomorrow you can hug him.’ Jeno recalled his own promise and his heart made a little jump. He stepped closer to his own bed, feeling redness blooming on his neck, cheeks, ears. Why did this suddenly feel so intimate, how he leaned over Jaemin with his upper body while Jaemin himself held his arms open for him? Jeno placed one of his hands right next to Jaemin’s head, came even closer. Jaemin’s eyes darted all over his face. It burned, tingled, and his eyes maybe lingered a bit too long on Jeno’s lips. And then, out of nowhere, Jaemin squeezed his eyes shut, so tightly like Jeno had done last night, and pulled Jeno into a hug. Caught by surprise, Jeno stumbled, Jaemin’s face was so, so, so close, and fell on the other boy, who groaned.  
“Well, that’s a tight hug. I think you pushed all the oxygen out of my lungs.”

Jeno tried to lift himself a bit up while apologizing panicked but Jaemin didn’t lose his grip at all.  
“I don’t mind it,” Jaemin said, his eyes still closed, now more relaxed, and a smile on his lips. Jaemin’s chest rose and sunk two, three times, then he added, much quieter, almost too quiet to hear. “I missed you.”

Jeno’s mouth hurt from smiling so widely. “Me too, I missed you too.” He pressed his face against Jaemin’s neck, felt that Jaemin’s skin was cooler compared to his blushing cheeks. 

Jaemin’s hand was wandering over Jeno’s back. It was so quiet, you could only hear their breathing and the rustling of their clothes. The sun was shining.

Jeno couldn’t calm his heartbeat despite the calm atmosphere. There was a little weird sting inside Jeno. Lying in the arms of your best friend, closely, while knowing that you have feelings for each other. A sigh slipped off Jeno’s lips, he had tried to hold in, clutching on it so it wouldn’t find its way outside. In response, Jaemin was now brushing through Jeno’s hair with his fingers.

How long could they keep going like this, acting as if everything was fine? Acting, as if their feelings were okay as long they didn’t fulfill them? The answer could be naming the number of days until their trip ended, Jeno knew that. It slowly but surely drove him insane. He wanted to be closer, much closer to Jaemin, but at the same time he wanted to put Jaemin an arm length away from himself, so it wouldn’t hurt as much when they had to go separate ways when they had to go separate ways when they exit this house on the last day of their trip. 

Jeno now really lifted himself a bit up, so he could look into Jaemin’s face. “Jaemin-“

“Don’t.” Jaemin looked at him, pleading. “Can’t we just… stay like this and don’t talk for now?”

“But we have to talk about it one day. I… we can’t just act like everything is fine, as much as I’d love to,” Jeno now fully sat up and climbed off Jaemin’s body. 

“I know,” Jaemin sighed and also sat up. He placed his hands on Jeno’s shoulders. “But can we please, at least today-“  
Jaemin stopped mid-sentence, his lips were parted. His pupils were shaking, it was as if Jeno’s face caught him off-guard. From one moment on another the atmosphere switched, the air between them was as thick as that one day they almost kissed. Jeno had this weird feeling again, the good one, the one that send shivers over his back. All of Jeno’s worries from seconds ago were thrown away and all he could think about was kissing Jaemin. Jeno could barely hold back the small sound of excitement that had been formed in his throat.

“Yo, Lee Jeno, can I get your fucking laptop?” Donghyuck’s nasal voice broke the tension between them in thousands pieces, as well as it made Jeno fall off his bed. 

“Fuck, Donghyuck!” Jeno groaned while holding the back of his head he bumped on the floor when he had fallen down. 

“I take that as a ‘no’?” Donghyuck asked, looking like he felt sorry. 

“Did I interrupt you by something?”

“Maybe.” Jaemin stared at him, hinting something with his eyes. “But since you ruined the mood and Jeno’s pretty, lil’ head, you can’t have the laptop. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“Oh my god, please. I need your laptop! If I have to play another round of memory cards, I’ll die,” Donghyuck whined. “I can light up a scented candle if that brings your ‘mood’ back.”

Jeno sat up and sighed. “Okay, you can have it if you let us join playing ‘Sims’.”

“Why do you think that I’m going to play ‘Sims’?”

“I only have ‘Sims’ with me.”

Donghyuck gasped. “No, you didn’t!”

“Did he fucking stutter?” Jaemin deadpanned. 

 

Later on you could find Sims-versions of Jeno, Jaemin, Donghyuck, Mark, Renjun and just everyone that participated in the trip on Jeno’s laptop. One hour in and Jeno could barely hold his eyes open because they started to hurt. He had passionately invested his energy in that game when they created him (“He doesn’t look like me at all! My eyes aren’t that small.” “You sure about that?”)  
After spending over three hours with creating themselves on ‘Sims’ they decided to make food together with the other boys to apologize to Kun for the mess they made yesterday. 

“What kind of food can we make without fucking up?” Renjun asked and waited for a response with his one hand on his hip. 

“We can make pizza,” Chenle suggested and already put an apron on his body.

“But you know that pizza contains dough and last time we made dough, we clearly fucked up,” Donghyuck stated but still, he also put on an apron because ‘he looked cute in it’. It was pink and had ruffles on it, just like the apron Chenle was wearing.

“Oh, we don’t have to make the dough,” Mark told them. “Remember when Jisung and I went grocery shopping on the first day? We bought pizza dough that day.”

“For the first time you did something smart,” Renjun commented.

“So, it’s decided then? We’ll make pizza?” Jeno asked and kept looking at the aprons Chenle and Donghyuck were wearing. Jaemin would look cute in one of those aprons. 

“Yes”, Jaemin confirmed it. “We can write ‘Kun’ on top of the pizza with a heart around it.”

“That’s cute!”  
“That’s gross.”

Renjun glared at Chenle after latter reacted at the same moment like he did. “No, Chenle, that’s not cute.”

“It’s not gross, Injun. You don’t understand because you have no human emotions but don’t worry, we’ll help you.” Jaemin placed a hand on Renjun’s shoulder, patting it with faked understanding.

“How can I worry when I have no emotions,” Renjun gave back, raising an eyebrow challenging.

“Can we please start making the pizza? I don’t think Yukhei can distract Kun for forever,” Mark intervened. 

 

After they had pulled themselves together and actually started making the pizza, they waited for the oldest ones to return home. Yukhei really hadn’t been able to distract Kun for longer than one hour but it was enough for the pizza to be done. Kun had been a little annoyed because Yukhei had kept dragging him to stores Yukhei wasn’t even actually interested in.  
When Kun had seen the pizza he almost teared up because he was so moved by their action, so the mission had been a whole success.

 

\--

 

His phone said it was around 11pm. Jeno couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he had the feeling of Jaemin’s skin and hair underneath his fingertips, the memory of it. The memory of the smell of Jaemin’s shampoo, very subtle but still present, haunted him. Jeno had almost kissed Jaemin’s lips but only almost.  
What made this situation even worse was that Jaemin in the same room, breathing the same air, only two meters away from Jeno. 

The moon was peeking through the curtains.

“Jeno, are you awake?” Shit, did he wake the other up from tossing around his bed because of him not being able to sleep?

“Yes, I can’t sleep.”

Jaemin’s reply surprised him. “Me too.”

For a moment it was quiet, it was just the two of them, Jeno and Jaemin, lying on their beds in a house next to a lake, breathing, living, waiting.  
Jaemin’s bed sheets rustled and then a warm body joined Jeno under his blanket.

“Hey,” Jaemin softly whispered. Jeno couldn’t see if Jaemin’s face was right in front of his, it was too dark to make it out, but Jeno could feel it, could feel now Jaemin’s face was right in front of his own.

“Hey.”

He was right about the position of Jaemin’s face. Jaemin cupped Jeno’s cheek and came closer. Jeno’s breath got stuck in his throat. Would it happen this time for real?

“Are you sure about this?” Jeno also whispered into the dark, scared.

The tip of Jaemin’s nose touched the one of Jeno. “I’m sure. I don’t care anymore.”

Jeno didn’t dare to breathe. Please, please, don’t let anyone ruin this moment again. Jaemin gently stroked Jeno’s skin, his fingers trembled the tiniest bit. 

“Third time’s a charm, right?” Jaemin smiled before he pecked Jeno’s lips. It was short, sweet, not enough. Jeno gasped, it tingled on his skin. Jeno immediately pulled Jaemin on his waist closer, their chests crashed without a hint of pain, and kissed him again. Their noses were in their way but it was okay. The kiss was short and sweet, yet completely different than the one before. It made Jeno feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Holding the fabric of Jaemin’s shirt between his fingers felt right as well as hearing the tiny, satisfied noise from Jaemin that got lost in their kiss?

Jeno wished he could see Jaemin’s face, the expression on it, his smile, the stars in his eyes. Instead Jeno saw the stars watching them through the curtains when he pulled Jaemin even closer. He wanted them to coalesce, become one, so nothing could separate them, so he would always be part of Jaemin’s world. Jaemin’s hair was soft, Jeno had missed playing with it. 

When Jaemin went for another kiss, he missed Jeno’s lips. The kiss got planted on Jeno’s right cheek. He laughed quietly, then Jaemin let their nose tips meet again for his orientation until their lips found themselves again. Each pressure Jaemin’s lips left on the ones of Jeno sent shivers straight all over Jeno’s body. 

Testing the waters, Jeno parted his lips carefully and licked over Jaemin’s lips. A surprised noise was Jaemin’s response. Finally Jeno got to taste Jaemin’s favorite chapstick. It tasted cheap and artificial but to Jeno it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Jaemin seemed hesitant before he also opened his mouth. Their tongues met and there was no warmth anymore. It was so hot, Jeno’s cheeks burned. He felt so shy, didn’t know what to do since it was his first time. Nevertheless, it felt nice.

Eventually Jeno shied away and pressed his face against Jaemin’s shoulder. For a moment it was quiet and then they started to laugh wholehearted, oh, and how they laughed.  
They finally overstepped the line and nothing changed. They still were Jeno and Jaemin except the fact they didn’t had to hold back anymore for now. 

“I wish this night would never end,” Jaemin said after their laughter died down.

“Me too.”

 

\--

 

D – 18  
The next morning, while they were eating breakfast, Jaemin was holding Jeno’s hand underneath the table. The others sent them knowing glances. 

 

\--

 

The sky was painted in a clear blue when they all went outside to go swimming in the lake, bathe in sunlight and eat watermelons and ice cream. Jeno went straight to the water and jumped into it, splashing water everywhere in a radius of two meters. It wasn’t warm but warm enough to swim in it. For a moment, Jeno didn’t think about anything, he just swam and enjoyed the moment. It was just him and water and no worries. Worries about what will happen after this summer.

After swimming a small round Jeno returned to the shore where Yukhei, Jaemin and Mark were standing knee-high in the water and tossing a ball around. Chenle, Jisung and Donghyuck were eating watermelons and spitting the seeds at each other while Renjun watched at them with a judging, disgusted look on his face. Kun was sitting in a safe distance from them on a blanket and read a book with Jungwoo lying next to him with his eyes closed.  
Jeno stepped out of the water and decided to join Yukhei, Mark and Jaemin. 

 

After tossing the ball around for a while, they got bored and changed the game to ‘piggy in the middle’. Ten minutes into the game and Jaemin ended up in the middle and every time the ball was tossed to Jeno, Jaemin jumped in front of Jeno so closely, it made Jeno’s heart also jump but that didn’t stop Jeno from not letting Jaemin any close to the ball. 

So when Mark threw the ball a bit too far away from Jeno, latter immediately ran after it, as fast as possible it was in the water. Jaemin was close after him. He laughed joyful and Jeno couldn’t help himself and started to laugh too.  
Running and laughing at the same time made Jeno’s lungs burn a little bit but he wouldn’t give up. He almost grabbed the ball, his fingers brushed the plastic, but then Jaemin’s arms slung around his bare upper body, pushing him away from his target and instead into his arms. Groaning Jeno turned around and looked at Jaemin but he couldn’t be mad at him.  
Jaemin’s cheeks were flushed from the running and the smile on his lips was so bright.

Taken by the sight in front of him, Jaemin’s beauty, he forgot the game for a second and leaned forward to place a kiss on Jaemin’s lips. Out of surprise Jaemin squeezed with his hands the skin above Jeno’s shoulder blades. Jaemin returned the kiss and Jeno felt so warm on the inside, not only because the sun was shining so brightly.

Jaemin parted their lips, still smiling sweetly and mouthed “sorry” before he pushed Jeno, so the other fell in the water with his head landing underneath the surface of the water. What Jaemin didn’t expect was Jeno pulling him in the water too. 

Coughing they both emerged from the water, gasping, trying to get rid of the water they had swallowed accidentally.  
They looked at each other, still coughing, their cheeks still flushed, and Jeno felt so happy, truthfully happy to be here with Jaemin right now. Jeno smiled, took the ball and gave it to Jaemin.  
“Take it. I’m okay with being the piggy.”

Jaemin beamed at him, took the ball, kissed Jeno’s cheek and returned to the others with the ball in his one and Jeno’s hand in his other hand. 

 

Later they joined the other on the blankets. Jeno lied down after he applied a bit of sun blocker on his skin that already had started to turn red, while Jaemin munched on a slice of watermelon and talked with Renjun, Donghyuck and Mark about their sports teacher and how they were sure that he’s part of some cult. 

“Remember when he told us about how his membership in that one ‘club’ cleansed him? That’s totally fishy, it screams ‘Hi, I’m a member of a cult.’.” Donghyuck told them and bit off the last edible parts of the slice of watermelon he was holding in his hands before he threw the peel away. 

“And he’s also wearing a necklace with a cross all the time. I never saw him taking it off,” Mark added. 

Renjun scrunched his eyebrows skeptically. “But that doesn’t necessarily have to mean that he’s part of a cult. He could also be just a frequent church-visitor.”

“I don’t know,” Jeno joined their conversation. “To me it sounds suspicious that he talks so openly about his free time to his students…as if he wants to convince them to join his cult.”

“That’s a good point,” Jaemin agreed and rested his head on Jeno’s chest after he finished his slice. It happened to be the bruise from days ago on which Jaemin’s head laid now. Jeno shifted out of discomfort. 

Jaemin turned his face to Jeno’s own face. “’you okay?”

“Mh, you’re just lying on a bruise I got days ago.” Jaemin immediately sat up and looked at the almost faded, yellow-greenish spot on Jeno’s chest. “What did you do? Did Injun hit you again?”

“No,” Jeno laughed, it amused him how concerned Jaemin was because of such a tiny thing. “We played cards and I hit my chest at the edge of the table.”

“You’re such a crybaby,” Renjun commented. “And I never hit you.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Donghyuck mumbled.

Jaemin pressed a tiny kiss on the bruise and laid his head back on Jeno’s chest, this time on a different place.  
Chuckling quietly Jeno closed his eyes again and played with Jaemin’s hair; his cheeks were warm.

 

\--

 

That night they decided not to watch a movie with the others but instead Jeno and Jaemin wanted to spend their precious time together. Tomorrow would be their last day together. Sure, they still would see each other after that but they wouldn’t be able to be the Jeno and Jaemin they were right now. The Jeno and Jaemin that were laying on Jaemin’s bed, the blanket underneath them having their arms around each other and sharing warmth.

“You know that you promised that we’ll talk about it,” Jeno started after a while of just lying on the bed and listening to each other’s breathing. “How is it at home?”

Jaemin grew tense under Jeno and exhaled loudly through his nose. “It’s… bearable. He doesn’t insult me every day anymore but… it isn’t like that every day.”

Jeno clenched his teeth, trying to tone down the anger that was building up inside him. Jaemin’s father still treats Jaemin like shit. Of course he didn’t change his behavior. An asshole stays an asshole. “But he doesn’t beat you, does he?” Jeno asked and lifted his head of Jaemin’s chest. “Oh, I swear to god, if he lays a single finger on you, I-“

“No, he doesn’t. It’s just… words. Only words,” Jaemin muttered and rubbed with his thumb Jeno’s forearm.

“’Only words’? Jaemin, words are as bad.”

Jaemin was quiet for a moment, not looking at Jeno. His expression clearly showed that he was in pain. Then he turned to Jeno and attempted a smile. “I’ll be okay.”

“But I want you to be okay now. I can’t wait a whole year until we’ll graduate and you can move away, while seeing you suffer. You don’t deserve to suffer. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I want you to be happy and nothing else. Is that too much to ask for?” Jeno’s voice started to shake a bit but he would not cry. He wasn’t the one that gets insulted by his own father. Only Jaemin was allowed to cry in this situation. But Jaemin was just looking at him, his lips were trembling the slightest. Jeno’s heart hurt.

“I…” Jaemin started to talk and his voice was as shaky as Jeno’s. “I also don’t want it anymore. I don’t think… I can handle another year. But what can I do? Exactly, nothing.” Jaemin laughed dryly. 

“I mean we could run away together,” Jeno suggested, half jokingly, half serious. 

“Jeno, we’re barely adults. You just turned 18 and I will only be in over two weeks. We can’t just run away from our problems, no, my problems.”

Jaemin had a point. Technically, he’s an adult and Jaemin would become one soon but they absolutely weren’t adults on the inside. They were only adults in terms of the law.

Jeno stumbled. “Hold on!” God, why he never thought about this kind of solution to this problem? Was he really that delusional? “You’ll be an adult in a few weeks, no, days, right? Doesn’t that mean you’ll be allowed to live alone without your father?”

“Jeno, didn’t I just say that-“

“How about you move in my house?” Jeno excitedly interrupted Jaemin who was now staring at him with round eyes.

“Are you being serious right now, Jeno?”

“Yes, I’m absolutely serious.”

“But, no, you didn’t think about it enough. It’s a spontaneous suggestion. You didn’t think about its potential consequences. Will your parents be even fine with it?”

“Maybe they won’t be overly excited but I’m sure they won’t be against it,” Jeno gently answered and grabbed Jaemin’s hands with his own. “Jaemin, what are you afraid of?”

Jaemin’s eyes shook, as if he realized that Jeno had looked right through him. His hands were cold and sweaty like that one time he told Jeno that his father thought of him as a bad influence. Jeno knew that Jaemin didn’t like to talk about his true feelings. He might was a very affectionate person that loved to hug and plant kisses on the cheeks of other people but he capsuled all his negative feelings up in his chest, away from everyone. He kept smiling and smiling and acting as if everything was fine. 

“I’m scared that you’ll grow tired of me.”

Arms were immediately slung around Jaemin, latter found himself in an almost bone crushing hug, tight, warm, comforting.

“I would never grow tired of you, Jaemin. Never,” Jeno whispered into Jaemin’s ear, now also scared that Jaemin might not believe him. “Please, never ever think something like that.”

Jaemin pressed his nose against Jeno’s neck, his breath tickled, and returned the hug, clung to Jeno’s shoulders.  
“I’d love to move in with you,” Jaemin finally responded after a while and Jeno could hug the whole world. He shyly pressed a kiss against Jaemin’s ear. 

“Only 18 days and everything will be fine.”

 

\--

 

D – 17  
As a conclusion they decided to do a camping fire. Mark played on his guitar from time to time, one time Chenle sung as an accompaniment, another time Donghyuck, another time Jungwoo. They had blankets around them, it was cozy. They were sitting pretty close to the fire and they probably would regret it tomorrow when the smell of smoke will still linger in their hair and clothes, but they were captured by the moment, its captivating and comforting atmosphere. They had put sausages and marshmallows on sticks and held it above the fire. Almost everyone had burnt at least a bit of their food (Yukhei had burned two whole sausages and one marshmallow) or ate something uncooked which wasn’t that tragic when it came to the marshmallows.

Renjun sat down next to Jeno after a while and leaned towards him a bit. “Hey, Jeno. How’s it going?”

Jeno looked over to Jaemin who was teasing Jisung at the moment. “Everything is great.”

Renjun smiled fondly at him. “I’m happy for you. But what are you gonna do after this trip is over?”

“Jaemin will move in my house, once he turned 18.”

Scrunching his eyebrows, Renjun looked at him. “But is this… even okay with the law? I know Jaemin is an adult once he turned 18 but won’t Jaemin’s father still be his guardian?”

“I know it’s risky but it’s worth a try,” Jeno replied. 

“What are you talking about?” Jaemin joined them and leaned forward to them, grinning.

“Nothing.” Jeno threw his arm around Jaemin and pulled him down on the bench. 

“Mhm, that didn’t sound like nothing,” Jaemin chuckled but didn’t really seem to care. He rested his head on Jeno’s shoulder and Jeno pressed his cheek against Jaemin’s hair. 

“God, you’re both too sweet to handle,” Renjun commented with a disgusted expression on his face but it broke after two seconds into a quiet laughter.

 

“Let’s dance!” With said words Jaemin pulled Jeno up to dance to the song Mark was playing right now. It was a slow, cheerful, kind of hopeful song. Yukhei, Kun and Chenle were doing silly dances while they held each other’s hands. Chenle looked like he didn’t want to be there and kept mouthing “Help” to Jisung who wouldn’t stop snickering.

Jaemin pulled Jeno close, he placed his hands on Jeno’s waist and Jeno slung his arms around Jaemin’s neck. Their noses met each other, Jeno and Jaemin rubbed them at each other, giggling quietly. Saying nothing, they just swung softly to the music that came from Mark’s guitar strings. 

“Now I really want this night to never end,” Jaemin admitted, smiling sadly. Jeno agreed with a nod and a sigh, stroking the back of Jaemin’s head with his hand.

“I don’t want to go back to reality.”

“Jaemin, this will be reality in a few days.”

“Oh god, then I’ll have to endure all your bad jokes.”

“Hey!” Jeno punched Jaemin’s arm with no force and an offended pout on his lips. 

“No, I’m happy,” Jaemin told Jeno while looking at him with admiration. “I hope I won’t get caught and that our plan will work.” 

“Renjun was also worried about our plan but he’s always so skeptical. It will work out, I’m sure,” Jeno reassured him. “And if not, we can still run away.”

Jaemin laughed. “Yeah, sure, Romeo.”

“Oh, if I would be Romeo we would kill ourselves to be together. I mean-“

“Jeno, that’s totally not an option!”

“I know! I wasn’t gonna suggest it,” Jeno tried to defend himself, grinning. 

“Uh-huh,” Jaemin replied, not sounding convinced. He laid his head on Jeno’s shoulder and like that they danced into the night.

 

\--

 

D-18  
Jeno hadn’t slept at all last night. He had just kept looking at Jaemin in his arms, being terrified of losing him. The whole time he kept telling Jaemin that they will be fine, that everything will work out, but will it be? Jeno hoped for it, of course, but it still was a risky solution to their problem. If Jaemin gets caught by his father it will be his death for sure. It would be even worse than their current situation.  
At breakfast Jeno had kept poking his scrambled eggs with his fork. Jaemin didn’t empty his plate too.

Right now they were in the room they had shared. Jungwoo was already waiting for Jaemin so they could drive home. 

“I already miss you,” Jaemin whispered, holding Jeno so closely, it almost hurt. Jeno inhaled Jaemin’s scent, clung to it, so he would never forget it.

“Me too, Nana.” He leaned in for a kiss. One hand on Jaemin’s cheek, he took in Jaemin while kissing him. Taking in his warmth, his taste, his touch. Trying to remember every little detail. Jeno’s feelings were all over the place. Jaemin was so soft, Jeno felt his heart melting. But at the same time there was fear tugging at his butter-soft heart. What if this was their last kiss?

Jeno inhaled Jaemin, kissing him desperately.  
When they parted, Jeno exhaled. “This is not a goodbye. It won’t end like this, we won’t end like this.” He rubbed circles with his thumbs on Jaemin’s cheek. 

Jaemin placed his own hand on Jeno’s. “I know. Everything will be fine.” He pressed a last peck on Jeno’s lips. “Now let’s go. Jungwoo is already waiting.”

Jeno didn’t want to let go off Jaemin’s hand, he felt torn up on the inside. He unwillingly let go of Jaemin’s hand, let Jaemin sit down on the passenger seat and let him drive away. 

Renjun’s hand on Jeno’s back was just as half as comforting as it normally would be. 

 

\--

 

D-1  
Jeno felt like bursting. He couldn’t grasp a single, clear thought. A bundle of nerves was all he was. The clock said 11:57 pm. Jaemin will turn 18 in three minutes. Their houses were only a two minute walk apart from each other. Only five minutes until they were Jeno and Jaemin again. Not being able to stand still, Jeno walked in circles in front of the door in the hallway. Time was passing so slowly.

“Jeno, sweetie. Calm down. Everything will be fine,” Jeno’s mother tried to calm her son down. After the trip had ended, the first thing Jeno had done was asking his parents if Jaemin could move in. After explaining the whole situation, Jeno’s parents had said that they were okay with the idea. 

“But what if it doesn’t work out? What if Jaemin gets caught?” Jeno stopped walking to look at his mother while talking. 

“Then we adults will try to solve this problem. Don’t worry. I’m sure, he will make it. And now, let’s put on a jacket and wait for him outside.” 

Immediately Jeno threw a jacket over himself and almost ran outside. The cold night air hit him as soon as he was outside.  
School had started five days ago and seeing Jaemin in the hallways, in the cafeteria, between history books and novels for teenagers made Jeno’s heart ache. Having Jaemin so close but so far away was painful. Jaemin also suffered. It was as if they realized how big their loss could actually be after they got to see what it was like to be together. Yesterday Jaemin had been so tense, so nervous, he had pulled Jeno into a cabin of the restroom with trembling hands. He had told him how scared he was, how he couldn’t sleep or concentrate. Jeno had pulled him into a hug, trying to calm him. He didn’t let Jaemin know that he was as scared as he was.

Jeno looked at his phone. 00:01 am.

 

D-0

Jaemin would be here any second. Jeno’s heart was pounding so hardly, Jeno could barely breathe.  
The stars were trembling together with Jeno, waiting for Jaemin to return home, his new home.

And there he was, on the other side of the street. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, his cheeks got red from the cold. In his arms was a backpack, seemingly stuffed. His steps were big and rushed.  
Jeno hurried in Jaemin’s direction, right into his arms. Jaemin gasped and broke out in tears. 

“Didn’t I tell you that I don’t like it when you cry,” Jeno chuckled while rubbing tears off his own face. 

“I’m crying out of joy, idiot,” Jaemin sobbed and cupped Jeno’s face just to kiss him in the next moment. Their skin was cold, the kiss tasted salty and yet, it still was warm. Jeno had missed this so fucking much, it felt like he was able to breathe again after he almost drowned.

“Now let’s come inside before you catch a cold,” Jeno said after ending their short, sweet kiss, feeling breathless. 

He dragged Jaemin after him, opened the door and turned around, back to Jaemin. “Welcome home.” 

And Jaemin smiled at him so brightly, the stars were reflected in his eyes, glistening. It made Jeno feel 14 all over again like when he fell in love with Jaemin, completely starstruck.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm happy you made it to the end! It would be great if you could leave kudos or a comment if you liked it.  
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


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